Embracing Suffering, Finding our Inner Peace

Suffering is a part of life. Everyone experiences moments of suffering to a greater or lesser extent, and we often wish to escape it. But have you ever noticed that the more we try to avoid and repress our painful emotions, the more intense they become?

Self-criticism and conflicts with others are moments that can make us feel painful. This article will introduce a self-compassion method that allows you to embrace suffering during emotional storms and find inner peace.

Self-criticism: “I’m not good enough”, “I’m not a good person”

We all have moments where we feel like we cannot be perfect, and even give up halfway through because we think that we can’t achieve the best result. When we are growing up, a lot of us are encouraged to do better and achieve more and more in different aspects such as study, sports, etc.

However, when we go to the extreme pursuing perfectionism, placing excessively high standards on ourselves with overly critical self-evaluation, it might affect our mental health. Notice when would you experience self-criticism? What kind of things do you say to yourself when you’re being self-critical?

You might hear things like: “How can you be so stupid, why can’t you do it right?”, “You’ll never live up to other people’s expectations, you’re a failure.”, “You keep messing up, you’ll never change.” These words full of blame and negation undoubtedly undermine our self-confidence and self-esteem, leaving us feeling helpless and depressed.

Conflict with others: “They don’t understand me”

It is not uncommon that we have experienced disagreement and heated discussion with family and friends. We may even “unfriend” each other on social media. At this moment, we may feel lonely, isolated, hurt or even angry. While enjoying free will and freedom of speech, disagreement is unavoidable. It’s common humanity to feel uncomfortable when not being understood or facing relationship ruptures.

Embracing Painful Emotions

When facing the situations mentioned above, it’s natural to experience a lot of painful emotions. First, please let yourself slow down, and observe your emotions at the moment. Acknowledge and accept the existence of these emotions, gently tell yourself, “I feel so disappointed at myself”, “I’m really hurt”, “Right, I feel the anger.”

You may try to slow down your breathing, or place your hand onto your body part(s) that feel(s) uncomfortable. Let your breathing and hands’ temperature to make room for your pain at present moment. Let yourself feel being cared for.

You may place your hands onto your body part that is uncomfortable, feel the warmth of your palms, feel the sensations when your palms are in touch with this body part. You may also try to slow down your breaths, feel the air flowing into and out from this body part along with each inhalation and exhalation. If you wish, allow the discomfort or pain to be here, simply let yourself care for this body part, and feel being cared for.

Embracing painful emotions is not easy, but it is an important step towards inner peace. When we can accept our vulnerability and reconnect with our inner needs, we build deeper self-understanding and acceptance. This act of self-care and self-compassion can gradually alleviate the pain and lead us to a sense of inner peace.

In our relationships with others, understand and listen to each other with openness and respect, harmony in diversity is attainable.  If change does not happen after making every effort, we could still face it with calmness and composure, and be kind to ourselves.

Last but not least, we would like to share a famous quote:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

From “Serenity Prayer” by Dr. Reinhold Niebuhr,
an American Theologian